If cocaine was legal and you could get it from vending machines...

So a man walks into a bar and can't help but notice a man seated in the back with a big orange head. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "What's up with the dude with the big orange head?" The bartender grins, "It's quite a remarkable story! Why don't you go ask him yourself?" Filled with intrigue, he approaches the man with a big orange head. Before he can utter a word, the orange headed stranger sets his beer on the counter and smiles,"I take it you want to hear how I got my big orange head?" The man nods, concerned but exceedingly curious. "Alright son, listen close; it's certainly a tale for the ages! It all started one day when I was strolling on the beach. I stubbed my toe and tripped over something hard in the sand. Curious as to what caused my fall, I dug around the object until it was revealed to be some kind of lamp! I rubbed off the remaining dirt, when the sky began to darken and magical genie emerged! His voice boomed,'You have awakened me from my eternal slumber! To express my gratitude, I will grant you any 3 wishes, but be careful, some may not end up the way you intend..' I pondered the possibilities, and determined my first wish, 'I wish to be the richest man in the world!' Immediately afterwards, the clouds parted, and heavenly light pierced the sky. Angels one after another decended down and handed me cash, precious stones, and keys to mansions and exotic cars. After wiping away my tears of joy, I shouted, 'For my second wish, I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world!' Suddenly, an intense wind blew through the sea. It gust was so powerful that the ocean parted, and from the ravine of water came out a woman dressed in a gorgeous wedding gown. Her face was breathtakingly beautiful, and her eyes so alluring they still freeze my heart to this very day." The orange headed man stops to chug his brew. The other man is at the edge of his seat with anticipation. After wiping his mouth from the drink, he frowned remorsefully, "This is where I messed up, kid. I asked the genie for a big orange head."

Nobody nose

But they aren’t heartless

He spends ages checking her out, but doesn't have the nerve to speak to her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes hurtling out of its socket towards him. He reaches out, grabs it in the air and gives it back to her. "Oh,l am so sorry, the woman says as she pops the eye back in. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you." They enjoy a fantastic meal together then go to the theatre, followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest thoughts and he shares his. After paying for everything, she invites him back to her place. Next morning, she cooks them both a gourmet breakfast. The man is amazed. You are the perfect woman, he says. Are you this nice to every man you meet?" "No,' she replies. You just happened to catch my eye."

...Said Noah as the ark began to sink...

Many people are recycling old jokes.

Especially after a 31 day march (Was supposed to upload yesterday forgot to press send)

I'm the youngest of three siblings - my oldest brother, middle sister, and me. My sister had her first child a couple of years ago. Really sweet kid, and at the point of just starting to pick up language. Once she learns a new word, she'll point to different things and say the word, to test if it works. Like when she learned the word 'cat', she would point to things and say, 'Cat!' So now, it's our job to correct her and say things like, 'That's right!' or 'No, honey, that's a DOG. Can you say 'dog'?' You know how these things go. She's learning pretty quickly, and moving onto more difficult, multi-syllabic words. Recently, she learned the word 'computer', but her pronunciation is a little off. So when I went over to my sister's place last weekend, my niece greated me at the door, pointing at me and saying, 'comPOOPer!' I said, "No, honey, that's your other uncle."

When he tells me my granddaughter has grown half a foot since I last saw her I don’t know whether to be excited or very, very concerned.

Testickles